4 Weeks 5 Days
So I guess I will have to tell you about Friday night, which was a lovely evening of old school video games, bottles of peach Andre and cheap MGD. I know, what more could any person ask for on a Friday night? Unless strippers are involved, totally different story. So has anyone ever heard of Mario Kart 64 flip cup? Yes, I know, you are very interested and are probably saying to yourself, or out loud to your computer screen, "how do you play that Dan?" Well let me tell you! You are playing with other people and at the start of the race when the little green (looks blue) light goes you can start drinking then flipping your first cup, once you have completed this task you may start going. After you finish you first lap you flip again, and then the same on the next one. Then after all cups are flipped it is a crazy drunk driving, banana peel throwing, shell dodging extravaganza. The drinking in excessive amounts makes it much harder to stay on track, especially on something like rainbow road, which is designed to give you a seizure and a heart attack, based on the colors and lack of walls. I am not saying that Mario Kart needs to be realistic, because what fun would that be? I am saying though that the demand for a track that really makes you want to hang yourself with the wonderfulness that is the N64 controller can't be too high.
After several rounds of Mario Kart, drinks, and frustrating flip cup action, there was the decision to play Mario Party. This always starts out the same way, with a general "that sounds awesome, I have about three days of time that I wouldn't mind killing!" reaction from those who may be participating. This of course is later looked over once everyone starts playing and realizes that they decided to play the 50 or what I think it should be referred to as, the 1,000,000 turn game. Not many games can keep you interested for several months at a time like that of Mario Party. You learn to fight past the fact that Shy Guy is a dick
and can't tell me weather it is A or B and just likes to toy with me and then cut the only rope that keeps me attached to the ship and away from being sent out to sea with nothing but two stupid red and white flags, or the blister in the middle of my palm about the size of a basketball from trying to light a bulb by rotating the joystick (a joystick that is for some reason made out of a plastic that just burns through any human skin at an alarming rate) so that boo doesn't get to me and I can earn ten coins that will probably be taken from me later in the game by Bowser and the fact that he too just likes to be an asshole. Other games that show to be frustrating around hours 53 and 54 of Mario Party are games like the fishing with the hand one. This games proves to be extra difficult because even with the softest of flicks I still manage to send the fishing glove about 6000 feet in the air and through one of the windows of Bowser's castle, ultimately ending up with no coins, bags of coins, or treasure chests. I love Mario Party for many reasons but I also end up finishing it at about 3 A.M. after starting it at around 2 in the afternoon and saying that I will never do that to myself again.
That was my Friday night and now we will take a trip to Saturday and Saturday night.
4 Weeks 4 Days
I woke up this morning feeling similar to that of P. Diddy. Brushed my teeth with a bottle of Jack and then... passed out from alcohol poisoning, vomited excessively, and realized that that was just a terrible idea. Just kidding, I just wanted to point out how God awful it would be to brush you teeth with an entire bottle of Jack (Bull shit you even left the house or could even stand that night Ke$ha,) although waking up and feeling like P. Diddy would probably be pretty cool.
So seriously, Saturday was a great time. I was part of a backyard wiffle golf tournament that included prizes of getting drunk to an insane degree. Was feeling fine at around three in the afternoon until that brick wall called alcohol showed up out of no where and decided that we were going to fight, needless to say the brick wall won and I found myself attempting to do a back flip on a trampoline. I don't even know if I could call it attempting so much as my coming very close to breaking my neck and producing a sound that probably sounded worse than if I had broken my neck.
The party then moved and it was knock out time, which now we have all gotten pretty good at so the most fun is to grab the cups that are no longer in play and see if we can get them stuck in the drywall at speeds in excess of Mach 1 (so far no, but certainly getting there.) More drinking results in more missing scenes so you will have to forgive me. The party moved once again and the night was pretty much over. After waiting what seemed like days for my cluck-u and watching at least 16 episodes of southpark I was able to get some nice drunk food and head for the bus so I could get home. Sleep was much deserved after completely dehydrating myself with about 12 hours of drinking. Only problem was the fact that I must have swallowed at least three maybe four sheets of sandpaper before going to bed because that is the only explanation for why I think I could have lit a match on the roof of my mouth with total ease. We have all had those mornings that it's almost impossible to move your tongue for fear that it will crumple like sand in your mouth. All you need is to drink about 4 gallons of water in a twenty minute period to maybe start peeing yellow instead of pure amber.
That is all for Saturday, here comes Sunday...
4 Weeks 3 Days
Sunday was softball time! Thank God we decided to play on a field where the bases are only 60 feet or so because last week playing on 90 foot bases we all probably just could have run a few ultra marathons that day and been at about the same amount of running. Softball went the same way it always does, with all of us coming off a night of drinking and making contact with the ball in hopes that someone in the outfield will just drop it and we can watch in aww how it missed knocking out one of their teeth by several millimeters.
This results in several more errors that sometimes allow a routine ground ball to turn into an inside the park home run with errors on 8,7,3,5,and 2 respectively. I hope to keep softball like this at all times and keep getting my sweat on, or from dehydration lack of sweat on.
Sunday was rather uneventful aside from softball and no I have finally made it to Monday (today) and you can stop reading very shortly and your risk of having your eyes fall out of your head will soon be over too.
Today was a trip to Annapolis for class which was totally pointless except for that the fact that because of it I saved the University of Maryland about 20 bucks from not being at work. I will get over it because after all I sit at the desk at get paid to do what you just read and paid to do the things you just read about.
Tonight will be a night of Beerfest watching and maybe having a few beers. I wish sometimes that I could do what those guys do but then I think about how close my life is to that already. Until next time (with a much shorter post)
4 weeks 3 days...
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